Dad, nothing hurt me as much as to see you be taken by police custody to the VA hospital for treatment of schizophrenia. I felt for you and your loss, but I also felt my loss of you, a great father who showed me a way to live that was fun. 

I will always remember those memories of Champ, playing on the Ringers softball team, riding on the Butler Rubbish truck with you, fishing and target practice with the .22 rifle you gave me. Most importantly, Dad, I won’t forget what a loving father you were.

Dad, I want to say I am sorry I wasn’t there for you when you most needed me. I was consumed by your mental illness and how it changed my life. I was not able to get past my own losses and see the possibility of new connections with others but also with you.

Your mental illness changed you and it changed me, but it didn’t have to change the love we had for one another.

If I could take just one thing back, it would be not being with you in your illness. I would have been there to listen to your new stories and support you to live a fulfilling and happy and loving life.

Dad, I want to thank you for our time together. I learned so much from you about enjoying life. More than that, I have learned about mental illness and how it is more than a personal illness: it is also a family illness. Everyone is affected.

Because of you I am now learning to forgive myself and to never stop loving and living my dreams no matter what barriers are there in front of me.

Dad, I love you. I will live the rest of my life not for you, but for me. For the first time in my life, I can let those feelings about your mental illness go. I can see you beyond your illness. I can see you as a father, mentor and supporter of my life.

Today I am moving on from my own misgivings and will from here on strive to live the happiest and most productive life I can live. I will always remember all that you taught and showed me.

Dad, today I choose to be free and to live free. So with that I will just say thank you, Dad, and I love you eternally.